Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
