I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
