one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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