Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
