Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
