I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
