just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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