just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
