i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize