You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
