even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
