I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize