Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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