Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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