I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
