I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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