if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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