Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
