I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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