Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
