Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
