I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize