i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
