Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
