just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
