I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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