sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
