i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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