She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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