He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
