I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
