weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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