so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
