Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
