Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
