a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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