Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
