you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
