I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
