Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
