it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
