I think I just saw someone hide a body.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
