I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
