hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
