Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
