I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
