Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
you never un-have a 4some
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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