she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
