i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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