I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
