i was born a porn star she said
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Come see our sink grown plant.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize