Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
NoShamevember. You game?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize