what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
