Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
