all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
