i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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