Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
