can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
