fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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