So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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