i don't like sucking hair
I cockslap morals
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
