i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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