I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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