Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
